Poetical disaster

After days of reviews and information, I am back to what I am best at : writing undistinguished posts!!

This time its a Poem to actuate my artistry for this from of the art. It all started with this chat with a friend 'E'. Am putting down a part of the conversation we had. 'E' was asking me to download ' school of scoundrels'.

E : now i suggest
you go download that movie.

Me : OKay man

will do

i cant do it b4 2

wat plan r u on?

E : i am on the download download download

and get laid while you are at it plan

Me : poor joke,u awful dork

say no more or i will poke

Ok, so now am going to get down to writing my poem. It may look to you as though all I am trying to do is to rhyme words. If you thought that - Yea, that is the Kinda poems I know.

To write a poem, is a task,
but Y am I writing, u just cannot ask.
This poem may sound awful or bad,
but thats how I write... so sad.

There are people who are shy and coy,
But booze and fag fills them with joy.
Nature is beautiful, so bonnie and green,
Aw, it hurts, himesh bhai's movie, i should have never seen!!

I know what you're thinking
cos i feel the same.
This is an experiment gone
berserk and insane.

Now, there!!. Thats something.

Around the world, several level headed bloggers rapidly click on the 'flag blog' option.

Run fatboy run : movie review

Cast : Simon pegg, Thandie newton, Hank azaria, Dylon Moron.
Direction : David Schwimmer.
Screenplay : Ian black and Simon pegg.



I have always liked David Schwimmer for his character as the awesomely funny Dr. Ross geller in Friends. Run fatboy run, Schwimmer's directorial debut starts of to be funny but loses all the gas towards the end.

Dennis( Simon Pegg) gets cold feet on his wedding day and runs off, leaving behind his pregnant fiancee Libby ( Thandie Newton). Five years later, Dennis works as a security guard to a clothing store and Libby runs her own bakery. Libby starts dating Whit ( Hank Azaria), a rich guy and fitness freak, who plans to migrate to Chicago with Libby and Dennis's son Jake. Dennis whose love for Libby never abated realizes that its now or never.

The movie starts off with a few good laughs, but over the time, it begins to fade. I don't have any problems watching movies with predictable climax or ' happily ever after' endings, but to know the climax and to arrive at it after a long drag is awful. Simon pegg does a good job of portraying a guy with less inspiration. The characterization of Hank azaria is a complete cliche. How many more movies are we gonna see with the initially good guy turn into a stumble bum at the end?!.

Though Dennis completes the marathon race, the movie fails mid way. Watch this movie, if you are stuck with nothing other than 'I know who killed me'.

Improve Utorrent speeds!!

I have been trying to improve my U torrent download speeds and I guess I have succeded to an extent as well. i have compiled all those steps I got from the net here. Follow these and enjoy high speeds.

1. Port forwarding your port. This is "THE" important step. Click here and get all the step by step information on port forwarding.

2. Have a port number above 10000. To change your port number, click on options ---> preferences ----> connections.

3. Whenever you start downloading, choose the maximum upload speed to 15 or 20 Kbps. Having very high upload rate as well as having very low upload rates will affect the download speed.

4. Always keep the download speed at "unlimited".

5. In the preferences make sure your configuartion are like this :

Randomize port each time utorrent starts UNCHECKED
Randomize port each time utorrent starts UNCHECKED
Add utorrent to Windows Firewall exceptions UNCHECKED
Protocol Encryption ENABLED
Allow incoming Legacy Connections CHECKED

6. Download a healthy torrent with a lot of seeds and peers.

Follow these steps. My speed increased from 20Kbps to 150 kbps!!.

JUNO - movie review

Cast : Ellen Page, Michael Cera, Jason Bateman, Jenifer Garner.
Direction : Jason Reitman.
Screen play : Diablo Cody.



WARNING : If you are not comfortable watching Drama, then you will definitely hate this movie.

Juno Macguff ( Ellen page) is a 16 year old high schooler who gets pregnant with her friend Paulie bleeker ( Michael cera), who is in love with her. Juno decides to abort the baby but later changes her mind and decides to give away the baby for adoption. With help from her best friend Leah, Juno finally zeros in on Veneesa Lorin ( Jenifer Garner) and Mark Lorin (Jason Bateman). The various incidents succeeding this decision is that, which forms the story.

Firstly, even before I caught this movie, I knew that it was about a comedy drama about a pregnant girl. Fresh from the effect of watching 'Knocked up' ( which actually shares the same concept), I was expecting an out right comedy flick. Juno is definitely not hilariously funny, but nevertheless, does not fail to impress with excellent performance by Ellen page and its articulate screen play. The movie has a certain vibe to it, which makes you sit back and watch it.

Ellen page has played the role of the witty and endearing Juno Macguff with finesse and panache. And it is the same with the rest of the cast, which supports the smooth flow of the movie. The movie throws up subtle surprises all the time. The scenes where Juno's parents take the news of Juno's pregnancy lightly, while they initially conceive a conventional grown-ups kind of image and the belied characters of the Lorin couples, who initially look like made for each other, fairy tale couples are some note worthy examples.

Not to be forgotten is the excellent BGM score and the title track. The music completely fits into the mood of the story and makes sure that watching this movie is a pleasant experience.

Juno is easily one of the best films of 2007.

The valentines day fiasco!!

A post on the evening of February 14th, on a blog from A GUY, who has been single all his life could be on......well, ANYTHING. But I found the perfect story to write about.

The indian news channels are known for their diligent and industrious efforts to keep the average Indian citizen well informed. They strive to provide first hand information on all vital issues. Without them, it is impossible for the people of the country to be aware of the..."SIGNIFICANT HAPPENINGS IN BOLLYWOOD" (?).

On the morning of valentine's day, I woke up to the "BREAKING NEWS" about the unreasonably gorgeous and the second most intelligent living machine on earth - RAKHI SAWANT, the first being the impeccable LALOO PRASAD YADAV. The crux of the matter was that Rakhi has patched up with her boy friend ABHISHEK AWASTHI. Its hard to beleive, but yeah, Rakhi sawant is a female and shockingly, she has a boy friend as well.

The 'exclusive report' starts off with a visibly happy abishek being threatned by the headlines today crew to patch up with Rakhi so that they have a story to sell.Initially he maintains restraint but finally gives in when the channel threatens to call in ESHA DEOL to beat him up with her strong biceps. This part of the report was exclusive only to....eer...ME. Muhahaha.

And so, in the publicly screened 'EXCLUSIVE REPORT' the first scene starts off with Abhishek getting into ARCHIES to fish out a gift for his lady love. After an exhilarating and strenous effort to gift something that a girl would never expect on valentine's day, he buys a COPIOUSLY HAIRED TEDDY BEAR, A SORRY CARD and in an attempt to be at the height of being unique, decides to buy ROSES. (Roses for valentine's day? - boy, that's unique!!)

As they arrive at Rakhi's place, they catch her in the middle of her Yoga classes. As abhishek apologised, a suprisingly calm and with a meditative look on her face (Yea,Yea I am making this up!), Rakhi walks down to abishek showing no signs of suprise or anger, stands still and SLAPS him. But the rest of the story is a cliche. Yes - they patched up. (Yawn!!).

Meanwhile, a visibly moved L.K.Advani has decided to recommend Rakhi Savant for the Bharat Ratna.

A post out of nothing!!

When you are catching this on a bad day at a bad time, chill, its Murphy's law : EVERYTHING GOES WRONG AT THE SAME TIME.

When you are in an exam hall with completely no clue on what is posted in front on you, the mind drifts through every bit of undistinguished information that you have heard off.

9.20 A.M
I sat conceiving a believable meaning for 'satellite graveyards'.

15 minutes later
I am still thinking on an answer.

* WITH A SUDDEN EXPRESSION OF ENLIGHTENMENT *

Mind voice : " It has been 15 minutes and I still havent been able to conceive an answer!!. Probably my creativity quotient is poor. Hmmm. No wonder, i cant think of anything for the blog. "

9.50 A.M

* SIGHS OF EXHAUSTION *

I gave up my last efforts to conceive imaginary answers for complex queries on the paper and buried the hopes of further scribbling down fibs on 'atmospheric drag' and 'sidereal time'.

9.51 A.M

I made up my mind to spend the rest of the time on making my mind to churn out a little something for a new post. Some of the immediate options :

1. Post about a list of ' My most favourite movies', about which no one would give a damn.

2. Put up pictures of my 3 year old trip to Kodaikanal, with detailed explanations about the place, so that you dont have to hire a guide, when you go there.

3. Even better, split it up into 4 posts, so that I can put up better descriptions of how we
checked into the hotel, went horse riding, ate, drank, burped and made a fart.

4. Best of all, google for interesting stuff and post it here, with a sign that reads ' I thought this was interesting, Enjoy!!', which basically means ' Eer...I cant think'.

10.13 A.M

Decided to chuck all the 4 ideas, as they have already been implemented by other 'innovative' friends.

AFTER 7 MINUTES OF THINKING

Mind voice again but this time with an excited tone : "Ah!!.Brain storming!!"

So I sat, with a brain ready to get stormed by innumerably different thoughts!!.

Hmmm - Eeer - Bo-ring - petrol smells good - crap, everyone is writing - WTF, he got an extra sheet - go back to the test - I am single and loving it - I am desperately single *sigh* - Think about a post - Hmmm - may be, a POST ON : how to avoid hair fall - improve weight - pole dancing - Nah, Hmmm - quit blogging?? - may be I should? - Bay watch - And at this point of time, my mind drifted into private space and refused to come out of it, for a significant period of time.

10.40 A.M

I finally decided on a post, which without doubt would completely promise to be useless, just like its predecessors.

If this post made you feel good, SMILE....TOMORROW IS GOING TO BE WORSE.(Murphy again!!)

The pressure : Do u feel it?!

Do you feel the pressure?. The pressure of carrying 'it' with you all through the day!!. The need for eliminating 'it'. 'It' makes you starve. 'It' makes you run. I have 'it' in me. Do you?.

*Gazing at the computer with fingers pointed towards the screen*

Yeah?. Join the club. I am fat and so are you. *proud smiles*

For all those who dont feel the pressure,

You are probably thin. Either that or you are fat, married and probably, you dont give a damn to what the world thinks about you and regard RAKHI SAWANT as the sexiest woman on earth.

I have always been lousy at sports. Though I Kinda catch them on TV, playing out in the open has never been my kind of activity. But there are times in life when you wake up in the morning with the feeling that you have a guinea pig tied up to your torso, especially when you are 75 Kgs, short and feel that your jean zip does not do its fair share of cover up.

That is when I decided I would wait for the feeling to go away and continue being fat.

Muhahaha. Old joke. The last time I made a joke as remotely funny and cliched like that, my dog puked, my freinds gave me comments asking me stop trying to do "attempted humor" and I received 87634 mails asking me to roll over and die.

On a serious note, I decided its time for me to shed some fat off, and so went on to think about some of the most traditional and hackneyed methods of weight reduction.

1. Starve : Nope, This dint work as I have a mouth for eer...nothing in particular composition but for everything with gustative appreciation.
2. Dieting : Would rather starve than to live on a goat's feed.
3. Hit the gym : Show my fat to a crowd and get embarrassed. Never.
4. Running, Walking and rolling on the floor : Too much work, I am pretty lazy for that kinda crap.

And so, this is when I realized there are more important things in life than reducing weight. eer....to think, there is actually none, but who cares, I just cant reduce weight. :). But if you are someone who is desperately looking to reduce weight, follow 1,2,3, & 4 or even better, google for an idea.

P.S : See that 'Indiblogger' logo?. Looks cool eh?. Register @ indiblogger and get it for free. It is no way a token of appreciation or an indication of the standard of this blog. :)